The Insane Journaler

Okay, right, so. Here it is, less than a week to go before NaNoWriMo starts, and I really don't know how my opening scenes are going to go. I have the vaguest idea, and that's about it. I hope this isn't a bad portent or something. It's a terrible indication, however, that I really don't have a particularly fleshed-out idea in my head. I have a brief, sketchy, incomplete outline that I struggled to make. How in the world am I going to turn this into a coherent story? I have a feeling that if I make 50,000 words, it's going to be padded with a lot of meta-narration that would work (maybe) if I were writing a farce or some other comedic form. The second draft will be hell to edit, I can say that right away.

Anyhow, it occurs to me that if I'm going to be using this account to post/back up my daily NaNo writing, those entries had better be for my eyes only. If I manage to create a gem somewhere in the mad scramble, I might publicly post a brief excerpt.

It's funny. It's been almost exactly one year since I started and subsequently abandoned this journal. I'm coming back to this as my writing journal because I've decided to GO CrAzY and do NaNoWriMo this year. And for what reason did I create this journal in the first place? NaNoWriMo.

Anyhow, what inspired me to come back here now is that someone in the NaNo forums linked to her LJ that she's using pretty exclusively as a notepad for her story. I thought it might be a good idea to do the same thing. That and I can use this as yet another server on which to back up my daily progress, woo.

So once again I babble on just to get a freaking word count in. But I'm starting to wonder if these free-form sessions are actually doing me any good. Sure, it gets me writing anything at all, but I'm not focused. Anything but focused. And the discipline is questionable.

I'm simultaneously nervous (read: scared out of my mind) and really excited about this major project I've decided to undertake. According to this Lorem Ipsum generator, 2,000 words is approximately 15 paragraphs, which breaks down to about 133 words per paragraph. I don't know why I obsess over the technical minutiae like this when I really should worry about the story itself and how it's going to turn out. I should be focusing on my characters, my setting, my world. But at the same time, I'm scared to, so I'm avoiding thinking much about it.

I was supposed to get together with a friend of mine today, but I'm not sure when. It's already a quarter to six in the evening. I wonder if something came up. Should I call or should I wait? Argh.

Oh, boy. So I went and got myself a real proper blog. Now I've really committed myself. I hope I can handle it. I really need for this to become a regular, disciplined thing. Not like some personal journal that I can ignore for stretches at a time. This is something semi-professional, or professional-wannabe. Something I can show to prospective employers who want to see writing samples. "No, I don't have a portfolio, but I do have a blog."

I'm eating tomato soup for lunch. Trying the Spartan brand this time instead of Campbell's, because it was cheaper. Honestly, it's worth hunting down Campbell's on sale, because it really is better. It's how I define tomato soup. It's my comfort food, what I grew up on. Kinda like Velveeta, only Velveeta kind of sets the standard for cheap cheese. Unless it's a store-brand knock-off of Velveeta. Then it's cheaper, but it's not as good. And why does Firefox's spell-check know Velveeta but not Campbell's? It knows Campbell. And it's also suggesting Cowbell's. *snicker* MORE COWBELL!

I've never done stream-of-consciousness writing before, I don't think. Or if I have, it's been a while. I keep thinking of Strong Sad from the "Caffeine" SBEmail. "Hey, what did I say? Did I say something? What about now?"

The real issue with this journal is juggling what to write in here and what to write in my regular journal. I mean, for the most part it'll be pretty clear how to separate things, but I'm sure on occasion there will be overlaps. I'm not used to writing like this. Heck, in the beginning I started out with only one journal, and then friends got journals on other hosts, so I followed, but it felt strange to keep saying the same things to the same people on different servers, so they got abandoned. Which reminds me, I'm still upset that GreatestJournal deleted most of my usericons. Especially one in particular, the custom-made one of Remus Lupin, beccause I just can't FIND it anywhere else. I mean, I have to have it somewhere. How else could I have uploaded it there? But it eludes me. It's going to be a real chore to go through ALL of my backup CDs on the off chance that it might be somewhere on one of them. Where else could it be, though? I thought I restored all of my images when I backed up and re-installed or switched computers. So where can it be? I wish I could track down the person who made it for me. She's the same one I talked to about illustrating a Harry Potter tarot deck I want to make. Of course, it's been so long and I still haven't worked on it, and we haven't talked in ages. I think I may have someone else who might be willing to do it for me, but I still need to seriously work on the card ideas first. Of course I need to hammer out the ideas solidly first. All the ideas are mine, I just can't draw. So how would they know what I want if I don't tell them?

I need blog ideas, topics to blog about. That's my biggest worry, that I'll run out of things to say. I was told that unless I can be absolutely objective, I should not discuss religion or politics. No problem. That only rules out ONE potential essay anyhow. It bothers me how people are latching onto McCain's and Palin's fear-mongering. So many people are believing their outrageous lies. And then someone one icanhascheezburger wanted to friend me, and normally I friend right back, but she went beyond political into downright mean-spiritedness and preaching that I flat-out refused her. I mean, come on, a picture of Obama that said "American: Total Fail"? No. Just no. He is an American, he is Christian, he is a mainstream Democrat. He is Black, not Arab; he is not Muslim (and even if he were, so-frelling-what?); and he is not a Socialist (although I don't dismiss Socialism out of hand). Why are people in the US afraid of Socialism? Are they maybe confusing it for Communism, and the misnomered Communism at that? This rant I found somewhere was worried that government would get too big under Marxism, but I do believe he got his facts completely wrong. I'm pretty sure Marx wanted the WORKERS to control the means of production.

I'm scared of two things in regards to this upcoming election. I'm scared that McCain will win, and I'm scared that Obama will be assassinated if he wins.

My thoughts are starting to jumble into a tangle over nothings, so I think this is a good place to stop.

I'm either not crazy enough or too O.C.D. to want to try for NaNoWriMo quite yet, but if I want to be a better writer and discipline myself to regularly update my new blog, then I need to start writing, just getting it all down, just letting my fingers fly over my keyboard, not worrying if it's good or if it makes sense. They say sense and quality come later, the important thing is to just write and get words down. So that's what this journal is all about.

I'm half-heartedly trying to expand my musical world a bit, so when I don't think it'll be too much of a distraction, I tune into Pandora and fiddle around with making stations. Right now, I'm making a metal station for myself. I recently realized I like metal more than I thought I did, or at least certain sub-genres thereof. Bands like DragonForce, Hammerfall, and Nightwish. Of course, I reached the point where I realized I've been watching too much Strong Bad Email when I found myself trying to add Taranchula and Limozeen. :-P